Shit Happens At Times

After a series of strange incidents that seem to keep happening to me, such as people giving me hostile looks for no reason, I’m going to have to bring aboard a fucking video camera just in case, then post in on YouTube to show who these fucks are. It’s happened twice now, all on the fucking Queen Streetcar. Both have girlfriends, and both pretend it’s the fucking hood. I’m also never reporting anything ever again to the TTC. Twice I’ve embarrassed myself doing that. After all, most of them drivers are former cops, and act like them. Not to say that all of them are assholes, because that would be unfair. Hey, innocent until proven guilty. But for the cunts that do this sort of stupid shit to me, and without just cause, I can’t prove any of it without video evidence. And if I’ve done something, just tell me. Be civil, but tell me. Don’t get fucking vague with me, or threaten me if I ask you, or try to cause a scene by trying to humiliate me in public. If we’re both angry, it’s best we both calm down first, regardless of who started what. You should calm me down calmly as long as I can calm you down calmly. That’s how you reach me. Miscommunication can kill, and has caused a lot of wars. A lot of wars.

Here’s another rant: for those who keep calling me “creepy” or “scary” or “ugly” or whatever: fuck you. I’m not sorry that my ethnic makeup has given me features that are not only of a different ethnicity you’re unfamiliar with, but also not the kind that suits your idea of beauty. I’m also not sorry for, say, feeling really depressed, or tired, or going through some really heavy and unheavenly personal matters that don’t concern you. And when I look at you, mainly I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at something else I’m thinking about, or I’m thinking really hard or intensely about something. How that’s a crime in some people’s minds is far beyond me. I’ve got shit to do like you do. I’ve got matters to settle like you do as well. I don’t need to tell you my life story to make you understand I’m not out to get you, that I’m not some fucking predator lurking in the shadows. I mean, some others have hostile looks, too. I get it. Sometimes people could be gazing at my camera and I may not realize it. But some people are just fucking vile and delusional … I mean, I’ve been accused of looking like a psychopath. Even though they later claimed they were joking, I changed my mind, and ended any chance of them ever modelling for me. I don’t insult you the first moment I see you. I try to be gentle, polite, and soft-spoken. Sadly, people think I’m weak, petty, pathetic, possibly even insane whenever I do that.

When I pick up models, I try to do it quietly and discreetly so that I don’t embarrass them or make a scene. A few times, people thought I was asking them if they did molly, because I’m unintentionally muttering the word model instead of just saying it, in part because I’m nervous about getting a hostile reply, and in part I’m trying not to make a scene or draw unwanted attention to them, as in unintentionally humiliating them. I’ve been rejected a few times, and I respect their wishes. Sometimes I try to persuade, but not in a way that would pressure them. I guess the way I’m trying to be careful may seem creepy to them, like how I picked up Matt (my latest male model). I do make faux pas, such as ask him how old he was while he was with his BF in a bar. I never mean to cause trouble.

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